I was sitting on the toilet nursing my 3 month old, brushing my teeth as my toddler is yelling in my face that he wants to wipe ME. In the background I hear the four year old yelling to wipe him as my daughter complains that she can’t find her toothbrush. With one boob out and one eye open I made it to the coffee pot and thought, “I need to start writing this crap down, I need to be able to laugh about this shit (literally and figuratively) later!” So here I am—let’s laugh about it together.
As a crazy house wife with four little kids and a husband who can’t boil an egg one could see how it could start to go, down…. very far down. “Mom, is this the toothbrush I stuck in my butt? Mom, I don’t want eggs, I want gold fish!! Babe, did you wash my black socks? Wipe me, wipe me, mom, wipe me! I don’t want that for dinner.” Blah blah blah!! In fear that I might one day just go,
“just eat the god damm eggs, buy new black socks mother fucker and wipe your own ass!! You are five years old, just wipe yourself!!”
I decided a coping mechanism might be helpful. You know, just to keep shit under control, not looking to be mom of the year or anything but definitely looking to stay off the news.
I know what you’re thinking, uh, someone needs to introduce this poor woman to some wine. Well it turns out alcohol isn’t for everyone. Passing out ass up in the yard isn’t really a good look so I had to write that option off in my 20s. I am saving legalized marijuana for my retired days. So that leaves food, exercise, knitting, reading and whatever else one can think of. As exciting as knitting sounds I will save that for when I pick up the marijuana in my 80s; overeating all the time would likely bring me back to the alcohol and reading always ends up in an unplanned nap. Finding a gym/club with childcare was like finding the wine I hid when I was drunk—very exciting, a relief! The more you do it the more you want it, the better you feel and the cycle continues. Don’t get me wrong there are ups and downs but you never leave the gym saying, “man, I wish I didn’t go to the gym today.” I picked up running a couple of weeks after baby number three joined our family and did not love it. It took a long time for it to get to a place where I could just listen to my music and check out into my happy place. The first week my muscles were very stretched and weakweak child birth (again) and I had this horrible vision of peeing myself on the treadmill and it splattering all over the people on the rowing machines right behind me but that never happened and I got stronger, things got tighter, I stuck with it and am here to tell you I can run, cough, laugh and even sneeze without pissing myself so if that isn’t motivation I don’t what is.
Just keep running, just keep running!